


To Seek Comfort in his Arms

by wingsofanillyrian



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: ACOTAR - Freeform, ACOWAR, Also some fluff, Angst, F/M, Nightmares, acomaf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-04-13 18:41:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14118513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wingsofanillyrian/pseuds/wingsofanillyrian
Summary: Nesta has nightmares about the war. She won't tell anyone about them- but she needs to find an outlet.





	To Seek Comfort in his Arms

Nesta Archeron was alone.

She watched from a distance as both her sisters enjoyed the company of their mates, laughing and playing around without a care in the world. She didn’t understand how they had let them in so easily.

It wasn’t that she didn’t think she had a mate; she knew she did. But she was holding herself back, for fear of being hurt again. She couldn’t bear the thought of another heartbreak.

When she felt that bond snap into place on that battlefield… She screamed Cassian’s name as loud as she could, hoping to save his life.

And it had worked.

And she had shielded his body with her own, and he had promised her time.

But that was when they both thought they were going to die. Funny how much easier it was to make promises when you didn’t think you’d be alive to have to uphold them.

As soon as they had returned home, Nesta had rebuilt the walls around her heart. Cassian had tried to soothe her, she’d felt it that day on the stairs. But she didn’t want his pity. All she wanted was to be whole.

Because this new life she had been forced into… She hadn’t come to terms with it yet. Her new Fae body was still foreign and wrong, and she felt as if a part of her had been locked away when she was Made. So she shut him out, vowing never to let him see how broken she truly was.

But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t escape the bone-deep ache that she felt every day. She knew it was because of the bond. She could feel her soul calling out to Cassian’s constantly, begging her to seek him out and make things right.

She couldn’t face him, though. Not even months later, when the nightmares plagued her and she woke up in a cold sweat, wanting nothing more than to be wrapped in his strong, soothing arms. But she  _couldn’t_ let him see her heart, lest he realize what monster truly lie beneath her skin.

***************

Nesta awoke screaming his name, images of his bloody, lifeless body still fresh in her head. She struggled to sit upright as her head pounded. She pressed a hand to her temple, trying to quell the relentless noise. It was only then she realized it was coming from the hall.

“Nesta? Nesta, let me in!”

Cassian.

“Go away,” she croaked, voice hoarse. Her cheeks were wet with tears and she drew her legs to her chest. Her Cauldron-damned power swirled around her as a reaction to what she had dreamed.

“Nes, please. I know something is wrong, I can feel it.”

It was the same dream she’s been having for months now. Usually she managed to contain her screams and shield her family from the nightly terrors… But tonight she must have slipped up.

“Please.” He’d ceased pounding on the door, but she could tell he was still right outside. It was almost like he cared about her.

 _Gods,_ she wanted him to care. Tears built once again and she couldn’t keep a brave face anymore. She needed to open up, talk to someone about what was going on. And she knew that Cassian was the only one who would understand what she was going through.

Reluctantly, she reached out with her power and flipped the lock with a twitch of her hand.

Cassian burst breathlessly though the door, his bare, tattooed chest heaving. He rushed immediately to her side, paying no heed to the shadows gathering at her feet.

He cupped her face in his hands with heart-wrenching tenderness. “You’re at the townhouse,” he murmured, his fiery hazel eyes locking with her hollow blue ones. “This is real- whatever you saw was just a dream.”

“I s-saw-“ She broke off with a light sob, covering her mouth.

“It’s alright. You don’t have to talk about it.” Cautiously, he slid onto the bed next to her, tucking her head against his shoulder. “I’ve got you.”

Both Fae were silent for a long stretch of time, save for Nesta’s sobs. She had moved her head to rest over his heart, the steady beat slowly working to calm her frayed nerves and frenzied tears. All the while, Cassian smoothed his rough, calloused hand over her hair and held her close.

When her eyes had finally dried, he murmured, “I get them too, you know.”

Nesta lifted her head to peer curiously up at him. “What?”

“The nightmares.” His smile was stretched and wan. “Even from battles I fought centuries ago. I still dream about them sometimes; the men I’ve killed and the ones I’ve lost.”

“Does it ever get easier?”

“Not when you bottle it up.” Bravely, he pressed a kiss to her forehead. Her eyes fluttered shut at the touch, instantly filled with calm resolve.

Though neither of them had yet to accept it, she could feel that bond shining bright and warm between them. It gave her hope. Trusting him didn’t mean she was accepting the mating bond. They could lean on each other as friends, too.

“I saw you on a battlefield, wings ripped to shreds.” Her lip trembled at the admission. “And it was my fault- I tried to stop them, I really did, but I couldn’t!” The tears started again, and she hid her face in his chest.

“Hey, it’s alright, Nesta. My wings are fine, see?” He lifted them both, and she raised her head. Illuminated by the soft light of the moon, she allowed her eyes to roam over the membranous beauties. Each one was dotted with a multitude of scars, and where the membrane was thicker from scar tissue, no light shone through.

But they were whole, and they were mighty.

She breathed a sigh of relief, resting her head once more on his chest.

“Thank you.”

His arms wrapped around her, followed by one of his wings.

“I’ll always be here for you.”


End file.
